Husband’s Story

I am in process of divorcing a Mary Kay Independent Sales Director. I have been on my own for over a year and a half. My divorce trial was six weeks ago this past Monday, still no decision from the judge. It has been a long haul and an ordeal at times. The con game in Mary Kay seriously damages relationships and is the primary reason that I am divorcing my wife. My wife has been thoroughly and completely brainwashed. It is amazing because she is one of the most intelligent human beings that I have ever known. I can honestly say that the person I am married to, is no longer the person I married.

My significant other became involved with Mary Kay when we lived in the middle of a national recreation area (which contained a wilderness area) in a Company owned town. The nearest grocery store was 45 mi. away and the nearest town of size was 75 mi. away. My Wife's Director had her convinced that she could also be a Director in 12 weeks, enjoying a profitable business of her own. There were approx. 2 dozen households in 2 Company towns and nothing else for miles around. My wife wanted to do Mary Kay and I figured what the heck. She is an extremely intelligent woman who worked in a lucrative, high profile, Project Management position with a Major American Corporation. I believed if anyone could be successful, she could, because she is a sharp woman. It also didn't take a large investment to give it a try.

She soon had around $3,500 worth of inventory and it was tightly packed into about 4' of floor to ceiling shelving in our pantry. It was also set up throughout the house in little displays. Inventory is expensive (I didn't really know just how expensive until later) and the boxes kept rolling in on a regular basis. My wife decided to start her own business bank account for "tax" purposes and that made sense to me. It would help un-bundle her business from our business.

She regularly attended her weekly Unit meetings and they were 100 mi., each way, from our home. She would really be excited and I saw that as a positive at first. She also attended every training session for miles around and of course Seminar. I started noticing changes in her that are hard to describe. She started talking about how great the opportunity could be and that there was room for a director for every bank branch in town, how she had to work her business, all of the MK rhetoric. Over time I felt our marriage was less and less important to my wife. She was infatuated with anything to do with MK Cosmetics. She has well over $30k in personal jewelry, yet she would wear the cheap, cosmetic sales award jewelry with pride. She would regularly be awarded some form of sales award and it kept her pumped. She only won trinkets, as far as I know, no one in her Unit won any award of substance because they are unattainable for all practical purposes. Sales awards are primarily based on wholesale purchases rather than actual retail sales.

In her first year, I don't think she held over 15 skin care classes. In the first nine months in "Business", she had $11k w/s (near as I can tell) in inventory on her shelves. She kept getting sales awards and we all know that the awards have nothing to do with sales. I considered her sales to be dismal. We lived in the middle of nowhere with delivery and shipping issues such as 22 mi. to the nearest Post Office to ship. This was the end of 2003. Somewhere in this time frame, my wife attended a self-esteem workshop put on by an Elite Executive Senior Sales Director (EESD) and this will come up later. We also attended a dinner at the EESD's residence. It was an opportunity presentation. The EESD had a copy of a 1099 that had earnings indicated at $115k and this didn't include personal sales commissions. We took a look at the Pink Cadillac. She didn't mention expenses much or what all went into the $115k. It sounded like it was pretty much all profit. She said that all of the women in attendance were awesome women and could be making her income level in a few short years. She also said that evening that she had been in MK for 28 yrs.

At the beginning of 2004 I changed employers and we moved back to my home town. My wife had her debut with almost zero shows and little sales. She had already tapped friends and family about as much as she could. She had her office which was a 9'x16' room, that eventually had product, stacked to approx. 6' high, all the way around the room.

I need to interject something here. This story is mostly detail oriented. I think it is important to let you know how I felt. In the beginning I wanted my wife to be happy, so I supported her involvement with MK. She would get really jazzed from training sessions, conference calls etc. and I thought that was a good thing. We had a decent marriage and hadn't had a single large fight. She started to change and I slowly felt that I was becoming less important to her. In the end I felt like I was the sole support mechanism for her playground activities. That really hurt. I gave her lots of positive reinforcement in the beginning on any form of involvement she was attempting. We agreed that she would have free reign over her business when she signed up as an IBC and that is exactly what she had.

After several months, there were lots of Mary Kay products rolling in, and not too many rolling out. My wife was obsessed with MK Cosmetics. I asked her about the need to build inventory so fast without steady customers. I was reminded that it was her business decision. She wanted to have immediate delivery if a customer ordered an item. She told me that I needed to be more supportive of her. Inventory kept piling up and I began questioning more. Near the end I was told it was her business and none of mine. I didn't realize what was happening to my life and I was being torn up inside. I felt like I had been abandoned in my marriage. In May 2004 I told my wife I wanted her to move out. I was very angry and had had enough. My wife had become what I now know as a Kaybot.

The Ex had funneled a good deal of assets into her business. I found a quarterly MK statement that indicated monthly purchases in excess of $1000/mo., each and every month. She purchased another $3,200 in inventory the month after we separated which happened to be June, MK's year end. She told me that MK was not an option for discussion. I was trying to have a calm rational discussion with her about MK. I asked if she was certain she knew what she was doing. As sincerely as I could (if possible), I asked if she had purchased her recognition for Seminar. She screamed "Yes, now are you satisfied". We had gone from a couple that had gotten along well to two people that argued about half the time they talked to each other.

Ex leaves the state to be with her family for a few weeks. Through e-mailing, we decide to try counseling. She is eager and wants me to schedule an appt. as soon as she gets home. The earliest appt. is 2 or 3 weeks out. We agree to have everything calm and on hold until our first counseling session and we agree to give it our best shot. Shortly into the first counseling, ex breaks down and says she isn't certain if she wants to stay married. She wanted individual counseling sessions particularly for me. WOW! That certainly was a different voice than I heard earlier. That was the only counseling session we attended together. We had a major blowout shortly afterwards, where Ex told me that I had major control issues. I look at it this way, Mk was into my pocket for more than $20k in a little over a year. I got tired of that and if it is a control issue, so be it. She told me that she had low self-esteem from staying in a bad marriage. Remember that self-esteem workshop? Sure makes me wonder what the workshop was all about. I always thought self-esteem issues began when a person was young. I'd never known her to have any self-esteem issues before this. She is a confidant, strong-willed woman.

Ex had purchased a home shortly before we married which was a rental unit at this time.. She had the renters move out so she could move in. There was some damage from the renters and the Ex decided to make major renovations/upgrades to the house. She didn't want our furniture, which she picked out, was nice stuff and 2 years old. Instead she opted to color co-ordinate the house with some trendy stuff. She remarked how she had found a very nice table and high backed chair set that was perfect for facials. She built her MK showplace.

Lawyers had recently become involved in our divorce.. We can hardly talk anymore. We live in separate worlds. I am an emotional wreck. More strange things happen in my personal life than I can even mention. Ex goes into Director in Qualification. Our trial date gets bumped. I can't believe anything Ex tells me anymore. My atty. can't get accurate info. from her. Bank accts. (lots of thousands) get drained by Ex, who is a full time MK'er. My atty. wants depositions. In addition to draining bank accts., Ex has been into one of her retirement accts. Her expenses are high even though she is living in a free and clear house, and she isn't making much money.

Around this time, I discover internet support regarding MK. WOW! I read lots of posts that mirror some of my experiences. I kept reading and things in my life started making sense. I came to realize that MK Cosmetics has had a profound impact on my life.

The Ex becomes an Independent Sales Director. Nothing has been happening in the divorce because of court availability. I kept searching the net and found some really good boards. I found answers to my questions. My Ex is MK Crazy and I believe her directors have been pulling her strings for quite some time. She is still full time MK and I am certain she is losing her butt. I started noticing posts that talked about MK debt. Hmmm... She is living in a house she purchased shortly before marriage. A house that I mostly paid for, with previously acquired assets, shortly after marriage. I have my atty. check it out. Big problem, The Ex secured a line of credit on the home. She lied to the bank and told them she was single. Time for depositions AGAIN.

The Ex had secured a $50k line of credit in May and had spent $28k by August. The deposition process allowed us to ask where the money was spent. Lots of it went to MK. Some of it went to bad loans. I knew she had activated some of her own recruits during DIQ. She had also moved all of her other retirement accts. for unknown reasons. This stuff is community property and hasn't been split by the courts yet. I felt sorry for my Ex during the whole deposition process. Here was a bright, beautiful young woman who had opted to hawk mediocre cosmetics and perpetuate a scam, all on a dream of having it all.

Today I am just waiting for the judge to deliver his decision. I stand to lose a lot. I've already lost too much and I don't mean money. The Ex is still as Pink as Pink can be. There is a little more to my story. In January 2003 I had a cancerous kidney removed. I am almost a three year survivor. I had blood in my urine last year and they never did locate the source. It's time for another checkup. I also have Type C Hepatitis. Stress tends to have a negative affect on my health. I lost more than 60 lbs. through this ordeal and I didn't have 60 lbs. of fat to lose. There have indeed been some trying times.

I am doing a lot better today than I was a year ago. If I had any words of wisdom it would be to NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH MK OR ANY OTHER MLM! They are scams where almost all participants 99%+, lose money. Those are really crummy odds. Don't listen to what recruiters say. They are half truths at best.