Debbie’s Story

A family crisis was my turning point in Mary Kay...

My turning point was actually really odd. I had always had some type of skepticism, but my Senior Director always assured me that was normal and it would pass as soon as I had something successful happen. And it always did. I had been a director for 2 years and was still struggling. My SD told me if I would concentrate and work at least 40 hours a week (really work on Mary Kay only) then I after about 3 months I would start seeing results. In the past I had worked 40 hours (give or take), so I did what she said.

I was the Warm Chatter Queen and got an average of 10 names a day (that in itself is exhausting). Then held lots of appointments and made lots of calls because of all those leads. I was entering the end of my 3rd month of working about 45-48 hours a week on this kind of IPA work. Suddenly I had a minor family crisis that took me out of town suddenly for 5 days.

When I got home, the thought of warm chattering was unbearable, the thought of one more phone call to "trick" someone into an appointment was making me nauseous. The thought of showing up at one more house, going inside, putting on a happy face, making small talk, and acting like it didn't matter if they didn't purchase was more than I could do. The thought of painting a picture of success to one more recruit potential, made me want to crawl under a rock. The white lies and omitting what they "don't need to know right now" was getting to me.

Two years of being a MK Director, where I was told I would finally have some kind of income, had become a nightmare. I was living and breathing MK. Everywhere I went it was about MK and potential recruits. I have two little boys and I hadn't had dinner with them in 16 days. My husband had become both mother and father, so that I could work my business. We had maxed my credit card out with no income to show for it. I had a car, but I was paying for that as well with the commission checks that I got.

“I still did paint a false picture of success, telling
them that I was making a corporate income when I was actually earning nothing!”

Maybe my failure as a director was worse than most, because I wasn't your typical director. First of all, in DIQ I got through without any funny business. All of my recruits were actual recruits. (Whether they chose to work afterward or not was a different matter.) The only funny business for me was placing orders for product that I didn't really need to make the production. Second of all, I was extremely honest with my unit. I got in lots of trouble with other directors for this, but I did it my way anyway. My unit was grateful for that. At least I can feel good about something. I still did paint a false picture of success, telling them that I was making a corporate income, when I was actually earning nothing! I believed that I would though, and that made it okay. It was when I started wondering if I ever would, that I stopped saying that.

Even with recruiting I was very low key. I was taught all these techniques on how to get them to sign — I just couldn't do it. I always let them walk away and think about it. I think the key to making any money as a director is to be able to recruit like crazy and get those inventory orders in. That was another thing I could not do. When it came to inventory talks, I was always very information only. I was honest, telling them that they could purchase inventory at any time, but if they did it now they got this extra product. I was very much afraid to pull in a $3,000 wholesale inventory, because what if they decided it wasn't for them after a couple of months?

Directors are rewarded for getting those inventories in the first couple of months and I don't think I ever got one of those bonuses or prizes. In my two years as a Director, I built my unit to 60 unit members, and did all of the recruiting myself (for me and my gals.) I did all the inventory talks and I bet 2/3 of them did not come in with any inventory. I think I got a total of 5 that came in with an $1800 wholesale and 2 with a $1200 wholesale, and then about 10 who came in with a $600 wholesale. Most of the directors I knew would get 3-5 new gals a month with at least $2,400 wholesale and some with $3,600.

Towards the end I was told by my SD that I needed to stop recruiting the welfare people and find some women with one or more of the following qualities:

* Full time corporate job
* Credit cards
* Husband

My problem was that I thought, if Mary Kay is such a great opportunity for women to have this ceiling-less income potential, why not help out the ones that really need it? I was told that this wasn't the way it was and that those women were like that because they didn't have the driving qualities. It was very near the end for me anyway. I am one of those people that looks for strays to help all the time, and there was no way I was going to look at a single mom and say, well go get a loan, or let's take your one credit card and max it out. I just couldn't do it.

Between all the expenses from being a Director, and the car, and never making production — not so much because my unit was small, but because it is really hard to find and hold 3 classes a week. Not to mention the fact that you hear about these $1,000 classes. In my 4 years as a "working consultant", I had two of those!

At my meetings I usually had about 1/3 of my unit there, which is another thing that blew my mind. I had 50 unit members and 10-12 at every meeting. Then I would go to a sister Directors meeting and she has 200 unit members and 5-7 people there. I was recruiting people who truly did want to work, and they did try, but I think that this business sets you up to fail, and fail we did.

I hadn't gone to a MK function for the past 3 functions (Directors Retreat; Leadership; and more recently Seminar). My husband had put his foot down about that and said that if I used my credit card for one more MK trip, he would consider a separation so that I could possibly jolt myself into seeing what was happening to me.

So, I came back from my family crisis and said to my husband. "I am thinking about giving up my Directorship". He was elated. Asked me how he could help and how soon could we do it. Our relationship had been more than strained for the prior year. I stepped down last December, got a part time job to pay off my debt and I have never been HAPPIER. I have pangs of "failure feelings", because of all the hype and brainwashing that goes on. But I know that I did the right thing.

Before I had kids, I was a corporate girl — traveling the globe and making good money with lots of perks. I gave it up to be home with my kids, and I cannot believe that I ever let myself get into a place where my family was no longer my priority, and I was doing it for FREE! Without bitterness, I honestly think that the only people who really make a good profit from the MK business are the company and possibly some Nationals. I don't even believe all the Nationals make good money, because a collection was recently taken up for a local National who had a stroke and was hospitalized for about 10 days, and she needed money to pay her medical bills???

Thank goodness for my turning point! I feel like a person again—someone with friends who are around just to be friends, and I am not hounding them constantly to do some MK thing. I really feel bad for all the people that I recruited (and there were a lot) because this business isn't what I told them it was. In my defense, though I really did believe it when I was selling it. Sometimes I want to call each one of them and apologize. I think that was the real turning point for me. I was starting to have a hard time believing in selling the business. (The product is a whole different story. I truly love the products and still use them.)

Don't get me wrong. I loved being a director — the director part. Mentoring and training them. Training my unit on how to market products; how to conduct the skin care class, how to put on makeup with glamour techniques, etc. I was really on my game when I conducted a success meeting and loved every minute of it — recognizing them, etc. I am still a Mary Kay consultant as a hobby / personal use level and I do still get excited when I get my product.

It was very hard for me. I was very depressed for about 2 months after I stepped down. I cried; I hated myself; and I truly felt that I had failed at something and given up on myself. I felt that I was being lazy and not ambitious enough. I gained about 25 pounds from sitting around, eating and wondering if I was doing the right thing. Now of course I truly know that I did, and the weight is slowly coming off. I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER. That is not just me trying to convince myself, I truly believe it.

Thanks for listening. This is great therapy and I feel a lot better having written all this down. I am an adjusted, happy Mary Kay Survivor.