Fighting MK for Your Marriage

Awesome How To article with great practicals for all of us, Marriage in trouble or not!

Here's the post from Kevin, a member of our Husband's Group.

I'm with you. Perhaps one of the highest points now for you is the knowledge of this forum, the knowledge there are others like us struggling with this insidious infection of our marriage and family life. I'm continuing to wrestle with this myself and (I pray) we may be seeing some progress.

Some thoughts:
Love your wife. Take every opportunity to let her know she is as vital and needed by you (and your family) today as she was the day you married her. Be ready to court her all over again. She's worth it. You be the source of her recognition. Be the loudest source of her applause. Give her gifts. Be her number one fan club.

Define Success. Don't dictate, but together sit down and have her describe what a successful MK business looks like. Reach agreement about milestones, outcomes, and objective measurements. These things will roll off your tongue but may be difficult for her. If you're able to TOGETHER define success in objective terms, set goals and objectives, and review them in 6 months, 12 months, etc., she will be faced with having to address what is essentially, an unfulfilled business plan.

It must be acknowledged there are some women who do well financially with MK. Nonetheless, however anecdotal the evidence may be (at least the evidence I have), I'm convinced the vast (vast, vast, vast) majority of those caught up in the MK mess lose money and place stress on loved ones. My assumption is many drawn to the business remain interested not because of financial success, but because of the other intangible, "fluffy" remuneration, or simply stated, the recognition and trinkets.

If your wife is drawn to MK solely by the prospect of increased wealth, relax. Your problem will take care of itself. If, however, she is drawn by the ingenious way this organization captures women's hearts and minds with rounds or applause, fake jewelry and other forms of recognition, well, welcome to the struggle.

Worship Together. One of the things I despise most about this organization is the way it so successfully bathes itself in Christianity. Many of the MK gatherings I've been to center around wonderful stories of how women have overcome cancer, life threatening trauma, or other terrific hardships through prayer and the strength a genuine faith can provide. At theses MK gatherings such beautiful stories, unfortunately, are then magnificently blended into a Mary Kay quote and ultimately used as a reason women should join the company slave retail distribution sales force. At one point my wife actually informed me God had told her she should be a MK consultant. It's tough presenting a perspective which counters divine directions.

By worshiping together, the tenants of the faith in your marriage will serve as the most effective counter to the MK road shows and revivals which seek to convert your spouse to a mind numbed cult follower. Encourage, if she is so inclined, her involvement in varied activities surrounding her faith. Attendance at a Beth Moore conference can easily be as (and more) spiritually fulfilling as any MK gathering. And what's more, a genuine Christian organization won't be using Christ's name to prompt your wife or anyone else to buy or sell a product.

Anger doesn't work well. It can feel damn good though. Unfortunately, your anger can be used by the MK hypnotized spouse as wonderfully effective camouflage. Before you know it, she will be contending the core issue at the root of your marital problems is not the mounting MK credit card debt, the un-kept commitments, or the loss of income. It will be simply your anger. I've been there, done that, got the tee-shirt. In this scenario, the MK handlers are ready, willing and able to equate "angry husband" with "unsupportive husband." Beware.

You're the rookie here. The MK "higher-ups" are accomplished at playing you and your reactions like a good poker hand. Learn everything you can about this cult. Be deliberate and informed. Fear, and take steps to avoid, losing your role as your wife's #1 confidant; don't let her MK higher-up take this role from you. Be the number one supporter of your wife.

Get a therapist. A good therapist will help both of you define the important things in your marriage. This can be a long, tedious and expensive process.

Try and be positive. This is tough when your life mate is squandering the family treasure and your trust on the continued unfulfilled promises peddled by MK. Know your wife is being indoctrinated into viewing life and the MK experience as a simple dichotomy:

1. Mk is the only road to success and if it's not working for you yet it's only because you're not working your business - work harder!!

2. No matter what the circumstances, leaving MK is wrong and you will be a failure if you do.

Struggle to let your wife know she's a success regardless of the MK propaganda.